Film Review: "Superman Returns"

After I watch a movie I have to stew on it a bit before I write a review. Since I'm a girl and a sensitive one at that the littlest things make me cry, laugh, swoon, whatever. Emotions have a tendency to get the best of me. So I have to let let my emotional highs drop back to normal levels in order to see things objectively.

This movie was no exception. Initially after is was over I loved it. I adored Brandon Routh as Superman and for the most part still do. I was thrilled with the excitement of seeing the man in blue flying around saving the world again. I had forgotten how much I missed him. The basic plot of this new enstallment has Superman returning (thus Clark Kent also) after a five year hiatus to simply resume their old jobs and the infactuaction with Lois Lane. At the same time, due to technical issues with Lex Luthor's trial (the failure of Superman as a key witness to show up) Lex gets out of jail just in time to swindle a filthy rich widow out of her entire fortune while on her death bed. Lex finds out about Superman, Superman finds out about Lex and Lois is brought into the middle of it as usual. Lex finds Supermans Fortress of Solitude and steals the crystals along with a rock of kryptonite from the local museum. Put one and one together and you get his next monumentally selfish idea, to make a new continent, swallow up most of the United States (again), destroy several billion people (again) and make the world rely on buying up pieces of this new property from you and have it all completely Superman proof. Of course the cast has changed completely but the plot is basically the same thing as the original film made not so new. Lex wants land, tried to kill Superman with kryptonite, Lois nearly gets killed along with half the United States, but it all works out in the end. Sort of...

After I stewed on this film overnight I actually became more and more upset. Here's why. The biggest thing is there are more holes in the film than swiss cheese and I'm talking HUGE holes. You simply can't ignore them and they begin early in the film following it to the last scene.

First we have a space shuttle anchored to an enormous airplane for of all things a launch which gets stuck and both crafts go rocketing to space, with Lois on board of course. She goes flying around the air craft like a doll but doesn't break a single bone. Furthermore she never does gain access to an oxygen mask but hmm even at zero gravity has no problem breathing. Perhaps she has super powers of her own.

Hole number 2, both Superman and Clark Kent reappear after mysteriously disappearing at exactly the same time and not one person gets suspicious. Later in the movie Superman up and kicks the bucket, flat lines, but up next scene, nope he's only in critial condition and in the hospital. Again Superman is in the hospital, Clark Kent is suddenly missing in action and no one's scratching their head at how odd one is always missing when the other is.

Probably the biggest mistake the writers made with this film comes as a slap in the face to the intelligence of all Superman fans. It's no secret that even being in close proximity to a shard of kryptonite renders Superman helpless, yet not only does he find the strength to lift an entire continent made of the nasty green rocks out of the ocean and up into the universe, and yes perhaps what the film makers failed to ellaborate on was the fact he appears to have cushioned the bottom of this giant krypto-continent with Earth rock, but we find out he does this all with a small shard of kryptonite still stuck in his abdomen after being stabbed by Lex Luthor. Yes I know that was a run on sentence, don't correct me, I'm irritated right now.

Hole number (I'm already losing count) whatever, Lex steals the crystals from the Fortress of Solitude and cutting off the tinyiest little piece drops it in a pool of water. Of which a small land mass forms. However later in the film Lex's newest ditzy broad drops all six full sized crystals into the ocean and ooops nothing happens, we aren't supposed to be putting two and two together like that. Stop doing your math.

Next hole (I won't bother adding it up now) starts with a question, does anyone ever recall Lois and Superman getting it on in any of the films prior to this? I sure don't, but somehow in this Lois has a kid that we find out is off spring of the man of steel. Woo Hoo a boy of tin! My problem is two fold. First I don't care how long you've been apart, two people who've done the nasty, and made a kid would NOT be back on formal terms. If it had been an affair then yes, when around other people proper introductions would be used, but in private, Hell no. I would never call my ex-husband Mr.Leathem no matter how long we've been apart. Secondly after revealing to an indestructable man that you have had his kid, I don't know about you but I'd have a whole lot of fricken questions to ask. Hey our kid just threw a piano across a room, can I expect more of this? Will he be like you, will he have x-ray vision, will he burn holes with his eyes, will he be able to fly, how do I take care of him? What do I need to know? Foster parents have millions of questions about the health and history of the children they adopt. All Lois can come up with after coming clean with Superman that's her kid is his is "will we see you around?" What the hell is that? Who wrote this script? They obviously DON'T have children. The formalities between Superman and Lois through this movie are atrocious. In one private moment they're almost kissing, in the next private moment they're back to "Good Night Miss Lane." ICK! I mean HELLO they got naked together once upon a time!!! Next, in the original film Lois already comments about "Clark Kent" to Superman who then in turn plays stupid and asks "Clark?" which Lois explains is a man she works with. But oops after five years I guess Lois and Superman forgot about all that and gee we see this whole bit done again in this film.

At the end of the movie we're left with so many hanging ends we could sew them together to make an afghan. Does Lex get off his island? Does Superman get his crystals back to restore his now dead fortress? Does his son ever learn his true identity? Does Lois ever ask if there should be any alien diseases or anomalies other than the obvious she needs to look out for? Is anyone ever going to ask why the hell Clark is always missing from work when Superman is on the prowl?


I can't go on any more about the holes, they're driving me crazy. As for the acting, Brandon Rouch got a lot of heat for his "steel" like on screen presence. However if you look at those awkward moments in the film he's seems cold and aloof because the lines in the script called for it. It was not his acting so much as the damn screenwriting. I personally think he did a great job. As a 12 year old madly in love with Christopher Reeves back in 1982 I remember every little move he made as both Clark Kent and Superman. Brandon Rouch captured the same Clark Kent and Superman that Chris did back in the inital installments. Granted he and Lois were a bit young in this film, but we are targetting a specific audience here. I like Brandon in the role and give him thumbs up for playing both personalities beautifully. He was clumsy and clunky as Clark but suave and down to business as our Hero. I'm not a big fan of Kate Bosworth but honestly it has more to do with the fact she gets to kiss Orlando Bloom any time she wants than her acting. Honestly she did a good job as Lois other than as a top news snoop she and well the rest of them are blind to the obvious, she pulled the role off as a young Kate would. The rest of the acting was okay but nothing great to write about.


Overall I'm in line with much of the other reviews you see regarding this film. It had great potential and really could have become a great film. Who doesn't love the idea of an indestructable man, who can fly, and see through anything but lead? Furthermore what woman wouldn't love the idea of a the same man being a muscle bound, blue eyed, hotty who is comfortable wearing tight rubber suits. Yum! I'll take one of those please. The problem is the screenwriters should have known better, hell they should have watched the first three movies for what to do and what not to do. Kalel already can fly in space so why does he have to come back to Earth in a rock again? I could have written this script better and shame on the directors and producers for allowing this script to be made uncorrected. However it's still entertainment and even if just to see the man in blue flying around again it's worth it. We all need a hero now and then. It's nice to think we have one out there, even if for a few hours.

Watch the Trailer: